I didn't choose wrongly.
Neither did my heart.
Even though the heart may ache,
it does not regret.
Oh well, guess that's life.
Yesterday, I reviewed myself thoroughly. Four years ago, I met someone whom I would have been able to put down everything for besides my family. At that time, I was so astounded by myself. Even though I have never told this person, and would probably never do so, I would just watch from a corner and protect my beloved friend from a distance. Without saying, anything this person said or did affected me a lot. It didn't matter if it was just a small thank you or whatnot. But I really loved this friend of mine, not romantically, but yeah. I still do.
At that time, I didn't think that I would ever meet another person like that. Yet in this year, I met two. One of which seriously gives off familial vibes, and the other seriously feels familiar. I don't know when it started, but when I had noticed, these two people were just more important than my other friends for some unknown reason. Unknowingly, I just feel like protecting the both of them even though, well, I don't think I can. A few weeks ago, I had finally admitted to myself about a thing I have been denying for perhaps, months? Felt terrible after that. And then, I talked to one of them yesterday. A simple question was all it took for me to realise that the feelings I had for both of them was different. Very much so. The feelings that I had for one had long outweighed the other. By too much. But it didn't mean that I stop loving the other. It's just not the same kind of love.
Yesterday, from the deduction of a conversation I had, I concluded my ideology of love.
Love is when you are able to give to a person without demanding anything in return.
Love is when you can go all out for a person.
Love is when you don't mind taking a person's pain in exchange for that person's well-being.
Love is when you unconsciously think about a person's welfare.
Love is when you are able to go through pain for a person and not bear grudges.
Love is when you can accept a person although you have seen the person's ugly side.
Love is when you feel happy when the person is happy.
Love is when you do not envy the love of another.
Love is when you want to protect a person no matter what happens.
Love is when you believe in a person with all your heart.
Love is when you have unending hopes for a person.
Love is when you went through all sorts of obstacles and still love a person.
Love is when you do not hate because you love.
Love is a commitment.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-13
A while ago, I talked to one of my friends about love. And I greatly believe in what I told her. When you like a person, it is usually just a crush or infatuation. Some people really take the cake. They don't even like, don't mention love. They just love falling in love. Love is a strong feeling. And falling in love gives people a very excited, very elated feeling. No thanks to the romance dramas people love to watch nowadays. Anyway, back to talking about a crush. I believe that a crush is just a time when you like someone because your awareness of that person has been raised. Unconsciously, you will start to notice this person more and more. And each discovery that you like will make you 'like' the person more. Because of this 'like', you tend to overlook the negative points of this person, or you just ignore them. However, many fail to realise that this feeling fades very quickly. You just like the person when the person does something you like, so what happens if the person does something you cannot accept? So many rush into marriage to find that they cannot accept their partners. Then comes the painful break-up. Oh well, that's probably the outcome of an illusion.
But love is another thing all together. Love is when you can really accept a person for who the person is. That means that you know the good and the bad of a person, but you still love the person. And for some reason, you can't hate the person. You may dislike something the person does, but you'll still forgive the person and the feeling will just return as per normal. A very easy way to see love is between siblings. I would say most, maybe not all. Today you fight, tomorrow you're best buddies. Because you love the person, you don't bear grudges. Perhaps this is more difficult between two people who come from different backgrounds and have different experiences. For every person out there, there is surely something about the person which you dislike. But love will accept it. That is the main thing. Love accepts. No matter how you are. And love is loyal. It won't say I love you today and today only, I love someone else tomorrow. Love is a commitment to someone. To say I love you means that you will continue to do so.
To my friend who asked me, "Will you?" I wish to remind you that friendship is a form of love too. Maybe you saw how I went all out for this person, but you didn't see my form of love for you cause only he saw it.
